Recap of the Weekend: Irony, Auburn is Terrible and SEC East Champs, Baby

Irony is a very interesting concept because it exists everywhere. The physical world, people's emotions, states of mind, religion, politics, families, food, sports, Walking Dead Season 3, Auburn "graduation rates,"gluten free pizza....you name it, irony has its place somewhere within that framework. Authors have written entire novels based upon it. Plays have been acted out for the sole reason to illustrate the subject. People attend Georgia Tech on purpose to continue its existence. Irony can be very funny.

Junior Rosegreen wore #4 for the Auburn Tigers from 2001-2004. Ironically, that number was also his score on the famous Wonderlic test, which measures intelligence amongst NFL draftees. Just for a comparison, the highest score ever recorded was a 48 by Ryan Fitzpatrick of the Buffalo Bills. Congratulations Junior, you have the intelligence of rusty sheet metal.

Irony can also be sad.

General George Patton survived three wars only to die in a Jeep accident in Germany shortly after World War II ended. My grandfather survived North Africa, Sicily, Omaha Beach, the Battle of the Bulge and the crossing of the Rhine River, only to die forty years later in a farming accident. Carl, my grandfather's Army buddy, remarried my grandmother ten years later. He was killed in a farming accident as well, six years ago. (Funny: my grandma tells her doctor, "I've done killed two husbands." He looks at my mom in shock and mom just shakes her head.)

Irony can also produce anger along with solemn pride. I found this out last weekend. As I was riding the subway, I picked up a copy of the New York Daily News. The first page covered the flooding recovery and Obama's re-election, obvious topics that should have been covered last week. I flip to page two. There in bold print on the left hand side: "RACIST TWEETS FLOW OUT OF THE SOUTH." An entire article dedicated to pointing out the anonymous ramblings of internet rednecks and how much they hate Obama. The article cited some obscure website that compiled this information and of course, Alabama, Mississippi and Georgia were the main culprits. They even had a map of dots, outlining the locations within all 50 states where a "racist tweet" originated. First of all, I do not doubt that these tweets occurred. There are plenty of idiots out there (a small, small minority, mind you) and many of them appeared in non-Southern states. No mention of that, of course. Second, I find the use of the word "flow" to be in poor taste, considering the flooding that many just endured here. It made it sound like thousands upon thousands of Southerners were lining up behind their Iphones and desktops to reveal their inner Klansman. Third, for a liberal newspaper who obviously disagrees with such behavior, why empower these people by printing an article about them in the most populous city in the United States?

I believe the article was printed solely to cause angst and to achieve the "see, they are all a bunch of hicks" assurance to further disenfranchise Southerners. I stepped off the subway with a harsh attitude. I'm getting sick and tired of the divisiveness. Every time I step out of my door, I represent the people of Cassville and the state of Georgia. I take that seriously. White, black, male, female....regardless, I do my best to succeed with honor, obey the rules, help my fellow man, love my family and friends and do it all with a "how y'all doin?" attitude that has served me well. As I walked through Union Square, I noticed a familar sight. Row after row of shiny white Ford F-150's and F-250's parked all around the area. In fact, there were so many, you had to walk on the street to get around them. Security guards stood all around, making sure nobody messed with the trucks. Stamped on the side of each truck......."GEORGIA POWER" and "ALABAMA POWER." My chest filled with pride as I strode beside those trucks....looking at the plates....Coffee County, Polk County, Early County, Bibb County.....my people coming up here to do their part to help with hurricane relief. It was enough to put tears in my eyes. I sure as hell did not see an article about the Georgians "flowing" to New York and New Jersey to help out. I reckon the more things change, the more they stay the same. That's irony, y'all.

Speaking of Georgia, the Dawgs traveled to Auburn last weekend to play our final SEC regular season game and to drive the final nail in the coffin of Gene Chizik's career there. I could not help but feel good about this game beforehand because let's face it, Auburn has fallen to a whole new level of sorry and I love every dang second of it. I was not always this way. I, like many Dawg fans, will never forget the 2010 game and the antics of Cam Newton, Nick Fairley and Trooper Taylor. The dirty play. The outright thuggery that could have ended Aaron Murray's season and possibly his career. All the while, you see Chizik and Taylor celebrating on the sideline. I'm glad that Fairley and Newton are not doing so well in the NFL this season. I'm glad to see their failure. I detest the fact that Matthew Stafford calls Nick Fairley a "teammate." I wish Thomas Davis would ask for a trade so he wouldn't have to wear the same uniform as Newton. In fact, there's only a few things that I hate more than Auburn:

1) Car alarms in a parking deck
2) Running out of hot water in the shower
3) Al Qaeda
4) Pop Country
5) Jessie Spano (Yeah, i said it. She drove me nuts on Saved by the Bell. I'm glad she didn't get into Stansbury University)

The Pourhouse was full of Dawgs on this day, waiting for a bloodletting. It did not take long. After forcing a quick three-n-out, the Dawgs march right down their throats and Murray connects with Chris Conley for a score. He was dialed in all night and seemed really comfortable in the pocket. You see the Auburn crowd give up immediately. It was like a German walking into Paris in 1940 and saying "put your hands in the air" and the whole city fell apart. Their defense looked clueless out there. I must say that Van Gorder hire has been top notch for them, I mean seriously, they held Louisiana-Monroe to twenty eight points. If they got any better, they would be called Louisiana-Lafayette.

**Sidenote: Florida stole one from Lousiana-Lafayette on a lucky special teams play. At home. With a half full Swamp. If somebody yells out, "they are giving away free cannoli in Little Italy," it might get better...but I doubt it.

We kick it back to them and our defense just mauls them again. Auburn puts on a clinic of offensive futility. Air mailed screen passes. Sacks. Underthrown flag routes. Zero running game. Another punt and good ol' Rhett McGowan fair catches it. Rhett's from Calhoun and will always have my support. Honestly, we didn't need any punt returns. Murray does his best "I don't always throw touchdown passes, but when I do, I prefer to do it to Auburn" and we score with ease again. Malcolm Mitchell, Mr. Everything, with another touchdown on the year, making their secondary look foolish. (also making them look foolish....their names....Demetruce and T'Sharvan. C'mon.) Another kickoff and another brutal assault by our defense. Earlier this week, Chad Slade, one of Auburn's offensive linemen, made the remark that Jarvis Jones was not hard to block. Well, two sacks and two tackles for loss later, I guess that theory is out the window. Alec Ogletree went nuts once again, totaling 10 tackles and John Jenkins actually ate two Auburn players during the game. One of them was not Onterrio McCalebb, who has been on Auburn's team since 1976. (Also on Auburn's team for thirty years: Wes Byrum, the former kicker. I swear he was getting recruited while I was still drawing blue ducks on construction paper) (+1 for Billy Madison reference)

Tavarres King catches yet another touchdown. A beautiful throw to the corner by Murray and an amazing piece of footwork by King makes it 21-0. The TV cameras scan the Auburn crowd. I read their thoughts:

"Beer. Now."
"I hope my Toilet Bowl Cleansing test is cancelled on Monday."
"I need a hug...from my first cousin."
"(lost in thought, still trying to count to 21)"

More offensive (the adjective, not the verb) play by Auburn ensues. They actually never made it to the red zone once on Saturday. The one time they threatened, Shawn Williams lowered the boom on Emory Blake and he fumbled it away. Shawn Williams owns Emory Blake. He leveled him during Rambo's INT return last season, if you will recall. When Shawn Williams needs a beer, he gets one from Emory Blake's fridge. Christian Robinson also layeth the smacketh down upon Anthony Mason, who was also leveled by Quintavious Harrow on a kickoff last season. We have been doing a lot of leveling against Auburn and I love it.

Todd Gurley and Keith Marshall carved up their defense all night. Both had touchdown runs. Keith had a really nice one in the 3rd quarter, a 62 yarder that really made the crowd groan. He looked like Carl Lewis in the 1992 Barcelona Olympics, dusting T'Sharvan and Demetruce all the way to the goal line.  289 yards rushing on the evening for the Dawgs, I like the sound of that. Hell, even Marshall Morgan was 100% for the night. I guess the only way it could have improved was if Trooper Taylor had been on the sidelines to witness it. He was held out because, rumor has it, he is leaving Auburn and was trying to convince several Auburn recruits to go with him. Whats the old saying about rats and ships? Maybe it's rats and dumpster fires? In any event, it was awesome to watch the medieval beating and then watch them writhe in agony during the fourth quarter. If y'all didn't notice, the first string defense stayed in for most of the game. You don't think they wanted this shutout? That 2010 is not still in their minds? You dang right it is. Onward to Georgia Southern and Georgia Tech. The SEC East belongs to us. Whether we taste Sugar falling from the Sky or possibly something bigger, it has been nice to see our guys play with fire.

Other highlights:

1) Alabama goes down, courtesy of Johnny Football and an ill timed offsides penalty. In the post game, it was rumored that Nick Saban ate a pound of fence staples, drank a gallon of hand sanitizer and called a priest to issue Last Rites for the six walk-ons he killed.

2) Oregon racked up 3,465 yards of offense in their victory over California. (Auburn people: consult people from Georgia, Florida, Alabama or Tennessee to figure out how much that is)

3) The South Carolina legislature has declared November their statewide "whining and what if" month. I guess if conference championships were based on the amount of times you play "Sandstorm" a game, y'all would have it.

4) One more piece of irony for you on this Veterans Day: Years ago, the Atlanta Journal printed an article indicating that of the servicemen who participated in World War II, 33% of them hailed from the South. That is astounding considering that only 10% of the population lived in the South at the time. Now.....THAT is a flow I can believe in.