Georgia's Season in Song and Movies

Game 1: Boise State

Song: "Welcome to the Jungle" by Guns N' Roses;

Quote: "It's a helluva thing, killin' a man. You take away all he's got and all he's ever gonna have." - Unforgiven, Clint Eastwood

Basically, we are going to give the Blue Turf Bimbos another mollywhopping, SEC style. I remember the first time we did it in 2005. Jared Zabransky had to be removed from the field due to "heat exhaustion" aka three turnovers and four sacks. We'll hate to do it to them on national television, but we've got something to prove. The national media wants Boise to knock us off for shock value, but we aren't taking these guys lightly. Our speed and talent will overwhelm them early. I fully expect a 100 yard game from Crowell and a monstrous coming out party for our new look D. Our newest defensive lineman, Johnathan Jenkins (6'4 340) may actually eat their center (5'11, 288) and quarterback before the game is over.

Game 2: South Carolina

Song: "We Ready" by Archie Eversole

Quote: "I'm your Huckleberry, that's just my game." - Val Kilmer, Tombstone

Last year's game in Carolina was an abomination, to say the least. We played terrible offensively and our defense allowed true freshman Marcus Lattimore to fly by us like we were cardboard cutouts. And yet....we nearly won the game. But for Ealey's fumble on their 1 yard line, I think we would have knocked them off. It was a fun trip though, as Brock, Vinny and I stayed at the fabulous Sleep Inn in western Columbia, complete with a vanload of strippers from Atlanta in town to entertain an electrical worker's convention. We also learned how to make an "Irish Pancake," increased Corona's stock by 1.3% and Vinny talked to a dog for about 30 minutes. Fun times.

Nonetheless, it's a new year, we are at home, and we are tired of the "cockadoodle-dooing" coming from the East. We've been called out, and we will be ready.

Game 3: Coastal Carolina

Song: "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" by Drowning Pool

Quote: "Who are these f****** guys? - Neil Flynn, Major League

The Chanticleers. That's who. Seriously, I know nothing about them. Just like the fabled Indian squad from Major League, nobody knows who they are, much less what a Chanticleer is. It must come from the same land as the Hokie. Looking at their roster, they have a monster O-line (averages 299 lbs) and several D-1 (sorry, I don't do the new distinctions, they suck) transfers. Still, I'm thinking 72-2, they sack our third string waterboy for a safety with 0:04 seconds left. No Wild Thing or Jobu can save them.

Game 4: Ole Miss

Song: "Last Dance With Mary Jane" by Tom Petty

Quote: "Look for low and away....but watch for in your ear." - Ray Liotta, Field of Dreams

Why this song? Because if this new realignment happens with the SEC, we will play Ole Miss in Oxford again in about....hmmmm.....2053. I am not a fan of this expansion, we don't need an even harder road to the national championship. Then again, it may force a playoff system if a couple of conferences disappear, so stay tuned. Ole Miss gave us hell in Oxford last time we played them in 2006, and they weren't supposed to put up a fight. Even the Rebel fans were conceding defeat the night before, between shots of Southern Comfort. 14-9 was the final and I wanted to gouge my eyes out all game long because our offense was so anemic. Ole Miss always gives us a scare, you never know what to expect with them, especially with Houston Nutt as the coach. We'll go in with confidence but we will tread lightly....and we won't wink either, kid. (+1 for another quote reference)

Game 5: Mississippi State

Song: "Go To Sleep" by Ludacris

Quote: "The man in the black pajamas Dude, worthy f***** adversary." John Goodman, The Big Lebowski

We took Mississippi State lightly last year, went into Cowbell Central and came out with a loss. It was one of the worst performances of a dismal season. However, Dan Mullen has them believing in Starkville and they are no slouch, to be honest. I chose the song because it's mean, which is what we need to be in Athens when they come to town. If we hit them in the mouth early, no amount of trick plays and onside kicks will help the other Bulldogs pull out another win. They will have to meet us "eyeball to eyeball" and I don't see us flinching this time. (+1 for another quote)

Game 6: Tennessee

Song: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Alice Cooper

Quote: "Nazis. I hate these guys." - Harrison Ford, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Last year, we clobbered Tennessee at home. We brutally murdered their secondary with passes all over the field, ran by their line like they were stuck in the mud and raided their backfield like meth head in a Sudfaed factory. In the first half. My highlight was Da'Rick Rogers getting booed off the field after his one catch for -2 yards. Coach Richt took the foot off the gas and the second half was a punting exhibition. Maybe because it was Derek Dooley on the other side? I don't know. We could have scored 65 at the rate we were going amd I vote that we do so in Knoxville this season. Tennessee is my least favorite team in the SEC (remember, I don't hate anyone). So the quote is a little misguided, but it more or less expresses my sentiments towards the "Looks like somebody barfed Cheetos" Volunteer nation.

Game 7: Vanderbilt

Song: "Once Bitten, Twice Shy" by Great White

Quote: "Only to people he know! He don't be doin that to them fools around the corner!"- Chris Tucker, Friday

Vanderbilt is like Ole Miss, they always play us tough at their place. Heck, in 2003, it was 3-2 at halftime! Seriously. We had a field goal and they had a safety. There were about 30,000 UGA fans and about 3,000 Vandy fans there. The dork in front of me kept remarking how "this is like a baseball game" and giggling like he saw a naked female for the first time. In 2007, we were a fumble away from losing to them and in 2006, at home, we did the unspeakable and let Vandy whip us. I've witnessed two Vandy wins in Athens actually (the other in 1994) and I would liken it to having a root canal while somebody scrapes a fork across an empty plate with John Mayer singing "Why Georgia" over and over. We just play apprehensively and they take full advantage every time. It seems we are the ONLY school that allows this, hence the quote. This is a year of change. Vandy is going to play Red and we will be Deebo, squeaky bike wheel and all. Let's hope their daddy shows up in the Ford Escort to haul their body away.

Game 8: Florida

Song: "Over" by Drake

Quote: "At my signal, unleash Hell." - Russell Crowe, Gladiator

Since 1991, we have basically laid an egg in Jacksonville every year. We play with two left feet, crossed eyes, bad luck and warm butter hands. I can still see Terrence Edwards dropping that wide open pass in 2002. I nearly threw myself into the St. John's River, instead, I invaded the Landing and enjoyed some warm Heineken....mmmmmm. If we played Florida like we play Tennessee or Auburn, this series would not be going this way. Forget moving the game to home and home, we just need to flush the mental toilet and know we can win. Dooley made a career out of stomping Florida, he ruined their season so many times that they lost count. Ask any older UF alum, they freaking hate UGA. I want the hate back! Evil Richt will have our guys ready and we will introduce Will Muschamp to the Benedict Arnold treatment that he deserves. Branden Smith and Boykin will get some special teams TD's and the Gators will fold like a cheap tent....just like their former coach.

Game 9: New Mexico State

Song: "Welcome Back" by John Sebastian (Welcome Back Kotter theme song)

Quote: "Our calvary will ride them down like grass. Send the horse." - British lord, pre-battle, Braveheart

New Mexico State visits us again in Athens. We are glad to have them after such a brutal stretch. Last time I saw them, we unleashed a beating that was culminated by Tony Gilbert nearly killing their quarterback on a blitz that nobody picked up. Their guard literally stepped aside and said, "look out!!" I look for much of the same this year, and by "horse," I mean a heaping helping of Boo Malcolme, Crowell, Bruce Figgins and Zander Ogletree. Zander's brother, Alec, could reproduce Tony Gilbert's sack from his new linebacker position, so we got that going for us, which is nice. (+1 for Caddyshack reference)

Game 10: Auburn

Song: "Got Money" by Lil Wayne

Quote: "Locksley! I'm gonna cut your heart out with a spoon!" -Alan Rickman, Robin Hood : Prince of Thieves

So, the song choice, total cheap shot at Auburn and their impending NCAA violations. Winn Dixie grocery bags full of money in the VIP section? Ha! Try Piggly Wiggly and Cam Newton's house. Nah, I hope it doesn't happen, it cheapens later victories. They can always say, "yeah, but we were on probation..." Last season's game was close in the first half but Auburn blew the doors open in the second. They were clearly the better team. That does NOT alleviate the cheap shots delivered upon our QB by Nick Fairley, who has since moved on to the NFL. So, we have to exact our revenge on their new linemen. Ben Jones and Cordy Glenn, our senior O-Linemen who were party to Fairley's shenanigans last year, are going to road grade us to victory at home. (I really enjoy the Auburn game actually, it's always physical and usually produces some nasty hits)

Game 11: Kentucky

Song: "Heartache Tonight" by the Eagles

Quote: "I got a hockey record, ya know. I tried to stab a guy with my skate once. I'm the only guy to ever do that." - Adam Sandler, Happy Gilmore

The Kentucky Wildcats, the walking question mark. They get new coaches every five minutes. Nobody really knows how they recruit, who they recruit, or where....they just kinda show up to the stadium with 85 guys. I chose the song because they absolutely can scare the bejesus out of you with trick plays, random fast white guys, and a couple of defensive linemen that play with a chip on their shoulder because the bigger teams overlooked them. I chose the quote because they always have one guy who is a complete freak (Tim Couch, Jared Lorenzen, Randall Cobb) and can cook up so many BS plays that somehow work, driving you insane the entire time. I swear they draw their plays in the dirt. I cringe when we play Kentucky.

Game 11: Georgia Tech

Song: "Regulate" by Warren G

Quote: "They're bugs, Wyatt! They say live and let live, well there ain't no live and let live with bugs!" -Bill Paxton, Tombstone

There is no team in the SEC that I hate. None. After the game, we can all hang out, have a drink and enjoy a little trash talk. Not with Tech. I hate them. I hate everything about them: their fans, the school, the campus, the stadium....I hate North Avenue because it touches property owned by Georgia Tech. I have never had a good experience there, although we absolutely have made a mockery of the so-called rivalry. Tech has only won once (fair and square) since 1990. I chose the song mainly for the title, we need to regulate on Tech every chance we get. Maul them into submission and never look back. Some UGA fans think my hate should be placed elsewhere but I counter with this...be at a game when we lose to them. Nothing can prepare you for the unbridled tickle pile that ensues. Ask Jim Donnan how much it matters, it was one of the reasons he was fired. As far as the quote goes, it's self explanatory. To Hell with Tech? I say to Tech with Hell....because I'd rather burn in eternity than associate with that sack of rat guts in cat vomit (+1 for Hook reference) Bangarang.