The Bowl Game, Recruiting and What the Dawgs Need in 2012

When the last second ticked off the clock in the SEC Championship, the 2012 season started for me. I'm really disappointed in bowl selection, the opponent and the date of the game. The Outback Bowl with Michigan State will be a good matchup based on records (both 10-3), but it has less intrigue than a Dodge Neon. That is to say, there is nothing to it. We beat them in the Capital One Bowl two years ago in a snoozefest that I watched in NYC, hurting from New Year's Eve and re-evaluating my choice to voluntary consume Goldschlager. They played the "three yards and a cloud of dust" Big Ten style and we played our style....and simply outran them. I missed the 3rd quarter because somebody ran into the bar and said "hey! there's some paint drying on the sidewalk!" I know nothing of Michigan State, I don't know who they recruit, I have never been to Lansing (nor do I plan to ever go) and frankly, I don't care to know anything about them. I would rather play Northwestern, at least they are in Chicago (which is a freakin' awesome city) and somehow mix black and purple to make a uniform (I thought only Prince could pull this off) Not to mention, the damn game is being played on Monday, January 2nd. A workday. The day AFTER New Year's Day. Irrelevance, thy name is Outback Bowl. Seriously, that is like winning second place at church softball. Snore.
Anyhow, being the diehard I am, I will watch it. We should win this game. If not for anything, just to put another Big Ten notch in our belt.

So, I turn my eye to recruiting. Signing day is rapidly approaching. This is a HUGE deal for me and always has been. I literally shut down on this day, I am unapproachable and accomplish nothing all day. I remember 2002 Signing Day, when I skipped my Public Relations class because I heard that we had two surprise commitments coming our way. I got home just in time to see Fred Gibson and Gerald Anderson's names come across the UGASports screen. Or in 2005, when Matthew Stafford committed, I fist pumped in the middle of the law library. Some girl said, "shhhhhh!" I said, "hey, we just got a big commitment, Matthew Stafford." Three guys from Alabama stood up from their computers and congratulated me, then discussed their recruiting class with me. It's a religion, it really is.

Here is the progression for me: I wake up and check the UGASports website for early rumors. I call my Dad, Vinny, Jeremy, and a few Alabama friends. I pray to the Man Upstairs for a good day, that our commitments be plenty, that Auburn, Florida, Tennessee and Tech's classes all fall apart and they have to drop football altogether, and that my internet does not go down. If it did, I would probably re-enact the scene from Terminator 2 when Arnold hoses the entire LAPD with a Gatling gun from Cyberdyne's office window. Nobody would die, but the condition of my office equipment would deteriorate rapidly. I fly to work, not because I'm a dedicated employee, it is because I cannot check updates in the car. I tear into the front door, yell "not now!" before anyone can ask me to do anything and shut my office door. The phone rings....my internal Terminator computer zeroes in on the phone, registers the phone as an "imminent threat" and destroys it. When people actually enter my office, they get a series of "uh-huhs" and half-hearted "oh yeahs" and are shuffled out the door. Unless you are 6'4, 300 or run the 40 in 4.3....get the hell out. Then the signings start rolling in. Texts from friends abound, "Yes! Ray Drew is a Dawg!" or "Dang, Florida just got Easley, that DL from New York." When one of our main rivals get a good player, I watch his film instantly. I  have a "I must kill Frank Drebin" moment and then it subsides. (+1 for Naked Gun reference) The entire day is filled with continuous F5's on my keyboard, coffee, and cussing like a stockbroker until the last ink dries.

Some people have remarked, "I cannot understand caring about where some 18 year old kid wants to play football." I then give them the evil eye, make a voodoo doll of them and begin to stab it with my plastic lunch fork from O'Charley's. I do not apologize for caring about the future of UGA football and the future of our closest rivals. Not one bit.  It matters that we just replaced three offensive linemen or picked up another speedster to catch Aaron Murray's passes. It matters to me that Florida just signed a five star running back, or that half of Auburn's class will not qualify. I'm really excited about seeing how this year's class will shape up. So far, I'm very pleased with our commitments. Here are some highlights:

1) Keith Marshall: A running back from Raleigh, North Carolina who grew up loving the Dawgs. This guy can flat fly (there's "flat" again) and he is a bellcow for others to follow to UGA. Plus, his dad's name is Woodrow. I've just always liked that name, it takes a special man to pull off the name "Woodrow."

2) Faton Bauta: this guy is a beast. He is a QB, but he is built like a linebacker (6'3, 225) and is one of those high motor guys that would rather die than lose. He attends high school in Florida but he is actually from Brooklyn, NY. So, I'm already a huge fan and have already nicknamed him "Fuggitaboutit."

3) Jonathan Taylor: another beast for the D-Line (6'4 315) that plays as mean as he looks. Seriously, I showed his picture to one of my paralegals and she quit the firm. He is a south Georgia boy too, grew up in a pro-UGA county, committed early and has no intentions of going anywhere else.

4) John Theus: a mammoth O-Lineman from the Bolles School in Jacksonville, Florida. This will be our left tackle of the future. He's just like Michael Oher, except he's white, has red hair, and grew up on the beach, but other than that, pretty much identical.

5) Chester Brown: a giant Samoan kid from Brunswick for the O-line (6'5, 340). We have never had a Samoan player as far as I know. Forget the Soulja Boy, we got us the Haka dance now! I cannot wait to see this guy in pads, he is one of those "first off the bus" types that probably eats a walkon before practice every day.

So, what do the Dawgs need to be successful in 2012 and beyond? Well, the East is going to be....interesting. Florida and Tennessee are reeling from bad seasons, internal turmoil and coaching changes. Will Muschamp is the greatest thing to happen to Florida since Ponce De Leon. It's like watching a Civil War re-enactment, where everybody just stands there in a line and gets murdered by volley after volley. Nobody ducks. Nobody hides behind a tree. Everytime he opens his mouth, it's Pickett's Charge all over again. I hope he is there for 20 years. Poor Derek Dooley really stepped into a disaster in Knoxville. Lane Kiffin did more damage to that team than Charlie Weis could with a gift certificate to Baskin Robbins. South Carolina is losing most of their defense and Lattimore may miss the first couple of games of 2012. Vandy and Kentucky will be....Vandy and Kentucky. Missouri is the X-Factor and I haven't the slightest idea what to expect. In any event, we are predicted to win the East in 2012. We MUST take advantage of the down years of our rivals, get some high end talent and stop scheduling stupid games like Boise State and Oklahoma State.

We also need some other teams to step up and improve, thus weakening our rivals further. Here are a couple of teams that can really help us:

1) University of Miami Hurricanes: Seriously, if Miami is doing well, south Florida is closed off. If Al Golden starts winning in Coral Gables, you can forget anybody from West Palm, anywhere around Lake Okeechobee and southward. This hurts Florida and Auburn, who seems to get south Florida talent despite having nothing to offer except cow pastures and some almost dead trees.

2) University of North Carolina: Some of you are probably asking....UNC? Really? Yes. A strong North Carolina hurts Tennessee. The state of Tennessee has terrible high school football, and for years, they made their living from border states, just peep their past rosters. Since Richt has been at Georgia, the state has been mostly closed off to the Volunteers, except Da'Rick Rogers (and y'all can have him too). Saban has closed Bama off. Tennessee has been suffering and sliding more and more every year since 2005...coincidence? I think not. If they lose access to North Carolina, good night.

Other Important Football Stuff....

1) After only one season, Charlie Weis is leaving Florida to be the head coach of Kansas. Amazingly enough, he will be the second fattest coach in Kansas history. Mark Mangino pushed maximum density like a football sled across a frozen pond. He looked like Jabba the Hut with a mustache. Weis is not far behind, however. I just can't wait to see him in a Kansas sweatshirt, that Jayhawk will look like a damn Pterodactyl flying over the Pacific Ocean.

2) South Carolina people continue to whine about the Dawgs playing for the SEC Championship. Their logic: they did not lose to an East opponent, so they should be East Champs. I guess that 1969 ACC Championship banner is going to fly solo for at least another year, maybe you could call Alabama and borrow one of their banners? Just sayin....

3) Penn State continues to be a finger-pointing, political, CYA public relations nightmare. Now, Paterno has cancer and more victims are popping up across the Northeast. Maybe if they try hard enough, they'll get Sandusky charged with the Kennedy assassination. (+1 for A Few Good Men reference)

4) Georgia Tech is playing Utah in the Sun Bowl. Sister-Wives vs. TI-83 Calculators. Rick Majerus vs. Bobby Cremins. Salt Lake City vs. North Avenue. A respected Native American tribe vs. a tiny insect that forges nests in the ground and stings you while you cut grass. It's a no-brainer. Go you Hairy Utes!

5) While I typed this article, Gene Chizik sold his soul to the Devil, who then pawned it so he could buy Cam Newton's rookie card. Strangely enough, Auburn lost their #1 running back commitment to Alabama today. The circle of life (+1 for Lion King reference)....from the jungles of Africa to the Plains of Alabama...nobody escapes it....unless your Tim Tebow.