One Full Year in NYC: Still a Southern Boy

Well, my first full year as a New Yorker is coming to a close. I cannot believe how quickly time has gone by. I can say that this year has been a good one and I have learned an awful lot about myself. Making such a drastic change in your life will do that to a person. There is nothing wrong with a status quo.....but I have never been a status quo type of guy, especially since college. I march to the beat of my own drum and for that, I do not apologize. It has given me experiences that I would not have had I decided to stay put. There have been sacrifices on my part, for certain. Some of those have been less than fun and harder to accept than I anticipated. I guess that is considered "personal growth" by the psychology types. Whatever, I rub dirt on it and move on.

People back home often ask me about New York. How it has changed me. Am I still that same kid who used to pump gas at 1810 Cassville Road with a glass bottle Coke in hand? Am I now a card carrying liberal Democrat? Do I say "you guys" instead of  y'all? Do I like hockey now? I think anyone who knew me before and after the move can tell you that I have changed very little in terms of my mindset and how I carry myself. Actually, I am more fiercely proud of my Southern roots than ever. New Yorkers are OK with that, where most people would believe they are not. They cannot imagine growing up in a town with one blinking red light, one store and no mass transit....but they do not hate it or look down on it.

So, what can I say learned this year? Plenty. You never know what you will see when you walk around this town. Every day is like an open book with no writing. For example:

- Although the sidewalks on the Upper West Side are 15 feet wide in some places, 3 Europeans with backpacks can make them completely impassable, especially when they take one of their 27 cigarette breaks. I guess German sidewalks are just one giant logjam, all day long. Get movin' Hans, my cannoli is not going to eat itself.

- There is a store dedicated to the "Big Lebowski" in the Village, selling only merchandise related to the movie and its characters. As the band Warrant once wisely said, "Heaven isn't too far awayyyyyyy."

- Jerry Stiller lives in my neighborhood. Every time I see him, I want him to scream "Serenity Now!"

- If you "Crip Walk" in public once, it spreads like a virus. Everybody wants you to do it, all the time. Except for the Bloods. They are not cool with it, even if you are a white dude.

- The lack of high school football here is astounding. I STILL have not seen a stadium, heard a faint "Lion Sleeps Tonight" in the distance by a marching band on a Friday night, or seen a busload of kids going across the city with a sign that says "Beat P.S. 236."

**best high school football band moment: Woodland vs. Westlake. My brother was a freshman and traveled down to Atlanta with the team. Woodland's band managed a weak pre-game "Hang On Sloopy" before Westlake's band (200 strong, at least) trotted out, drum majors backflipping, majorettes twerking, blaring "Here I Go" by Mystikal. It was one of the most impressive displays by a band ever. Their entire fanbase exploded into dance. There was a collective "Oh God" from the Woodland faithful and I think it was 31-0 at the half. Now THAT is how its done.

- Going to New Jersey (less than one mile away, ten minutes by train) is like going to California for New Yorkers. Not that Bartow County people can make fun, when we have to go to Atlanta, it might as well be Siberia. Going to Rome is like going to Japan, it's so far west, it becomes east.

- I have yet to endure a single thunderstorm here that rivals the weakest storm back home. I kinda miss tornado watches, to be honest. Things also missed: the smell of a chicken house, midnight CSX trains, a yard, barbeque that does not taste like cardboard, the word "rurnt" and the question "Dijall (did y'all) see who won the race?"

- I see people fishing in the East River, which I think is the 2nd or 3rd most heavily traveled waterway in the United States. (the same river Kramer swam in Seinfeld)  I've heard that it's clean enough to eat the fish you catch, as you stare at the smokestacks from the factories in Queens right on the water. No thanks. That would be like eating food from a trashbag in the Emerson landfill because somebody said, "it's only been there 2 days."

- New Yorkers do not understand the following phrases/words:

"Hayul far!" (Hell Fire!)
"Do y'all have high test?"
"I just caught a bream out of the branch"
"Is that Skoal Long Cut fresh?"
"What did that buck score on Pope & Young?"

- I recently found out that Georgia Tech has an alumni bar right by my office. It was a cool place too. It shall remain nameless and they shall never hear my voice in that place ever again. Also not heard in and around Georgia Tech bars:

1) "We won!"
2) "First down, Jackets!"
3) "Look, there is a girl, let's go talk to her."
4) "I hate wine coolers."
5) "I do not have an inferiority complex about UGA."

- If New Yorkers guess where a Southerner is from, 75% are likely to say Texas. The other 25% will say Alabama/Mississippi, then make a remark about racism in the 1960's/Elvis/Hurricane Katrina. They will also ask if you miss grits, have you ever been to Graceland, what do chitlins taste like and did you have a mammy growing up. (because that is the extent of their knowledge about anything Southern)

- People use straws to drink Coke out of aluminum cans. I have never seen that until I moved here. (and I use Coke in the universal sense, like all good Southern boys do. If I ever said "soda" on purpose, my mouth would leave my body and commit suicide in the East River)

- I recently read that over 800 dialects are spoken in NYC. That is unreal. I have passed through certain areas that are entirely non-English speaking, even the restaurant menus are non-English. The most amazing one to me is Polish....no other language can affix seven consonants in a row and call it a word. I swear czkjzkz means "dog."

I am often reminded of why I continue to be who I am. Because there are no "typical" New Yorkers. Nobody here fits a mold, really. You have your born and bred NYC people, immigrants, stateside expatriates, and people who just wanted to see city life all blended into one area. You are not expected to change, in fact, people would wonder why you did. You can celebrate yourself here and nobody will fault you for it. That's why we can have a Puerto Rican Day, Pakistani Independence Parade, or a Free Tibet March without incident. I can wear my Georgia gear and get a "Go Dawgs!" from a guy from Connecticut. I can speak with my twang and get a free drink in many places, except for the nameless Georgia Tech cesspool. The only time people really get frustrated with one another is during commutes, waiting in line or at sporting events.....and frankly you would get that down South too. You just probably would not hear about it in Mandarin Chinese.