Recap of the Game: I Want a Targeting Penalty on the Jumbotron

"I'm pleased where we are."

That was Mark Richt at halftime yesterday. Granted, he was accosted by the halftime interviewer and he was clearly not excited about it, but still. I almost choked on my short rib sandwich. The only thing "pleasing" about that first half was that the clock hit 0:00 and it mercifully ended. All I could think of was cheesy TV show ultimatums:

"You are the weakest link, goodbye."
"You're fired."
"The Tribal Council has spoken."
"The DNA results show that you ARE the father of D'arron-tay."

I just stared at the television and realized that I may have witnessed one of the top 5 worst halves of football in Sanford Stadium ever. Also in the running, in no particular order:

1) The second half of the 2000 Auburn game
2) The first half of the 2000 Tech game
3) The second half of the 2008 Tech game
4) The second half of the 1994 Vandy game
5) The first half of the 2008 Alabama game

The difference was that we were winning at the half of this game, which makes it almost worse. Stupid penalty after stupid penalty. A turnover. An inept secondary that resembled the mannequins at Bloomingdale's on 58th Street. In fact, the mannequins are actually better because they are serving some purpose. I did not realize that the "stand and stare" defense was still being used in college football. If we pull this garbage with Auburn, it will be 35-7 at the half. I speak for many Dawg fans when I say that I am sick of the lack of intensity. That is the difference between us and Alabama. Their intensity never waivers, they never seem to sleepwalk through any games, much less a half of football. Our team seems to do this 2-3 times a year, without fail. We did it with North Texas, Vandy and Missouri already, so I guess we needed another one to make it an even number.

I must also point out another God-awful thing before I spout some positive vibes. I received a text from a friend in the stadium. Not only did he point out that the homecoming attendance was piss poor, he also reminded me of something that I HATE beyond words. Aaron Murray completed a 23 yard touchdown pass to Michael Bennett in the second quarter, which made him the all-time SEC record holder for career touchdown passes. The potential to break this record was common knowledge on this day. Hell, when Bennett caught it, I said aloud "there it is!" Here is where my blood boils:

Did UGA acknowledge this on the Jumbotron directly thereafter? No. Instead, they played that stupid "hide the McDonald's fries behind UGA's head" video that seems to ignite our crowd for some damn reason. The fries appear, then three UGA heads pop up, the fries go behind one of the heads and then the heads spin around, trying to confuse the erudite Sanford Stadium crowd. When the heads stop spinning, the 93,000 loyal fans (or 70,000 on this day, I don't care what the stat sheet says) are encouraged to scream aloud which UGA head the fries have so deviously concealed themselves behind. AND IT WORKS! I swear, people get into this video more than a 3rd and long against Florida. There is a collective shout of the numbers "1, 2 or 3" and then we wait with baited breath for the video to reveal the fries. Oh my God, it is behind number 2!!! When they guess correctly, grown men cheer and high-five as if they just won their fantasy football pool money. Women cry and hug. Children are hoisted on shoulders like a 4th of July parade is going by. This happens at every single game. I am convinced that this recurring moment is the reason we lost the 2012 SEC Championship, that Herschel went pro early and Terrence Edwards dropped that pass in Jacksonville in 2002. I absolutely detest this video. In fact, I can only think of five things worse:

1) Conducting a deposition with Justin Bieber and Kenny Chesney in a copyright infringement lawsuit over who has the rights to wear leather shirts in public
2) Finding a bloody needle in your hamburger
3) Being locked in a Hollister store with Jason Aldean blaring over the speakers
4) The word "irregardless"
5) Listening to forty-five minute Nextel two-way radio conversations about PVC pipe at Cass Grocery.

"Hell, Randy said it was 3/4 inch."
"Naw, man, it's an inch and a half."
"Naw, Randy is usually right on these things."
"Naw he ain't."
"Should I get some 90 degree elbows?"
"Get 4."
"I'll get 5."
"Naw man, get 4. I still think it's 3/4 of an inch."
"Measure it again."
"I don't have a tape measure."
"What?"
"I don't have a tape measure."
"10-4, I am going to lunch."

So, with this knowledge, I ordered a Bulleit Bourbon and just stewed all during halftime. I felt sorry for the homecoming court actually, even though homecoming at a large university is quite impersonal. In fact, I did not know the homecoming queen in 3 out of the 4 years I was in school and only voted once because I was forced. Yet, I did not want their day to be marred by a dreadful loss. App State is not the App State of 2007 that whipped Michigan. They are 2-7 in FCS play and they are hanging right with us.

Well, that ended quickly in the second half. Apparently, the halftime motivation speeches worked. (since we need a speech to get fired up to beat App State) Murray came out firing on all cylinders. The running game really got going, the line got dominant and Gurley, Douglas and Green gashed App State. Michael "Old Faithful" Bennett just keeps rolling along. Rantavious Wooten had his best game as a Dawg. Jonathan Rumph made his presence known with a 98 yard day. Reggie Davis had a spectacular catch at the goal line. Marshall Morgan nailed another long field goal. Hutson Mason looked awesome and gave me some hope for next year. We ended up with over 500 yards of offense. The defense decided to become more than mannequins and made some plays as well. Ramik Wilson continues to rack up tackles (he leads the SEC), Ray Drew had another excellent game, Amarlo Herrera had an interception, and Chris Mayes caved in the middle of their Oline almost continuously. I am also encouraged by the play of Shaq Wiggins, Sheldon Dawson and Josh Harvey-Clemons. I think that group just needs some experience and confidence before they can be consistent. The second half was the inverse of the first and it made this Dawg happy, happy, happy.

I must say though, the referees in this game should be sanctioned. They were beyond terrible. The Corey Moore ejection and the upholding of the fumble call on Herrera was inexcusable. The TV crew was incredulous. In fact, there was a play where two members of Georgia's secondary just watched an App State player catch a ball in the air and waited for him to land before hitting him. One broadcaster said, "wow, that was a ball that Georgia should have made a play on." The other broadcaster said something to the effect of, "well, how can they? They just watched one of their own get ejected for a clean hit. They saw Ray Drew get ejected at Vanderbilt. This rule needs to be reviewed badly, it is staining the game." The Herrera call was 100% wrong. Forget indisputable evidence, there was ALL the evidence one could possibly gather that he did not fumble. If this was NCIS, the episode would have been over in 13.7 seconds. We seem to be on the wrong end of so many calls and the NCAA is slowly ruining this great game.

So, next week is Auburn. A team that has overachieved in Gus Malzahn's first season. Their quarterback is a former UGA player who was dismissed for stealing from a teammate. Sounds like another Auburn quarterback I remember. I cannot stand Auburn's football team and I hope they lose every game they play. Our defense better be ready though, these Tigers are itching for payback for the consistent beatings we have been giving them . I guess they have not been motivating (AKA paying their players) enough to maintain focus against us for the last few seasons.

Other highlights:

1) Florida sucks. Nuf said. Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch of fairweathered clowns. I wish Bama and FSU could play for the National Title in Gainesville, then afterwards have a giant bonfire at the 50 yard line with us and Miami in attendance. We would invite their "fans," but they probably could not find the stadium.

2) Les Miles is the greatest halftime interviewee ever. I hope he stays at LSU until he is 90. Could you imagine a slightly senile Les Miles conducting a halftime interview? "I love this team more than those lollipops you get at the bank. We embrace the competition and this wonderful night with our awesome purple uniforms....um, do you have any tapioca pudding?"

3) Aaron Murray is only 40 touchdowns behind Case Keenum of Houston for the all time NCAA record for touchdown passes. In fact, nobody in the top ten of that category played football east of the Mississippi River. Apparently, they actually DO use mannequins on defense out west.