The Year of the Acronym (something I wrote awhile back)

            2010 is the year of the acronym. The FIFA World Cup is being played in South Africa, the host nation is RSA(Republic of South Africa) according to the scoreboards. So far, there have been two draws, Bishop Desmond Tutu showed off his dance moves, the US team bus was involved in an elephant related traffic jam (how many people do you know that can claim this?) and Nelson Mandela’s great granddaughter was killed by a drunk driver. In fact, it was her own driver, hired by the family to get her home from a concert. Of course, he survived. This tragedy prevented Mandela from witnessing South Africa’s first match against Mexico. I’m taking bets on the driver’s life expectancy…he may not live past his drunk tank visit. Or in acronymic terms, he is SOL and probably DOA.

The BP Oil spill has been in the news every day since the rig fell into the ocean. Every state and federal agency is involved in this disaster, which means acronyms galore. Of course, we have FEMA. By the way, the FEMA fan club announced that they will not have their annual meeting in Louisiana this year. NOLA is being threatened with an environmental disaster of monumental proportions, US-UK relations are strained, and the Dow and NASDAQ indicate that BP stocks are plummeting faster than a NASCAR race at Talladega. The WWF (World Wildlife Federation) is up in arms because this spill is destroying ecosystems and threatening numerous species of maritime fish, birds, mammals and reptiles. If you recall, the animal WWF sued the wrestling WWF, won a judgment, which resulted in the WWF becoming WWE, which can now be seen on USA instead of TNT.

PAC Ten member USC was just sanctioned by the NCAA in a big way, the worst since SEC member Alabama was banned from postseason play from 2001-2003. Apparently, before he went to the NFL, Reggie Bush received a rent free home in LA, a new suit for the Heisman trophy presentation in NYC, and incalculable cash gifts from celebrities and boosters along the way. The NCAA decided to take away thirty scholarships, ban them from bowl games, including any BCS appearances, void all of Bush’s records and possibly take away their BCS championship from 2004. Before this came out, Pete Carroll bolted from LA for the NFL and Lane Kiffin, a former USC assistant, left UT after one season to come back to LA. Bush may have to give his Heisman trophy back as well. Maybe they will give it to A.J. Hawk, who finished sixth in the voting that year. Of course, stay tuned to ESPN, MSNBC, CNN and ABC for further details.

More states are enacting laws that ban texting while driving. This is a no brainer. Countless accidents and skyrocketing insurance rates indicate that this has become a real problem on the roads. Texting is also the fertilized egg of acronyms. Teenagers have a new language. Forget Spanish. They speak, what I like to call, “LOL.” LOL stands for Laugh Out Loud and it’s the most widely known texting acronym in the universe. Even my grandma knows what it means. Imagine a teenager getting into a wreck while texting…”OMG, this POS car just hit my BMW! FML! She is getting out…Dude, this lady is so fat, ROTFLMAO.”

From this language, we have derived a quick way to communicate our thoughts for $9.99 a month. I will admit I am a willing resident of the texting world and I pay my property taxes. The other day I sent a message to my friend, “At the ZZ Top concert, ttyl.” It is a part of our lives whether we like it or not. Hell, on Itunes right now, there is a song called “OMG” that is #3 on the pop charts. I had someone text me “Thank You” the other day with a simple “ty.” It was in lower case, so I guess that means it was like a casual thank you, like when a barista at a coffee shop hands you a coffee that you ordered. You say a quick thanks and move on. I guess an upper case “TY” would be warranted if you got somebody out of jail, paid for an expensive dinner or remembered to TiVo their favorite show on TMZ. This can be a problem though. In the South, we have different ways of saying things. Instead of “thank you,” myself and like minded individuals often say “preciate it” or “preciate ya.” Southern texting is a work in progress and I’m going to be on the front lines fighting for our rights. YTTSOBTIAPNSHDFADQP. “You tell that sumbitch that I ain’t paying no six hundred dollars for a dented quarter panel.” See, nobody except a few Dwaynes and Darryls will get that.